Dear Reader, “Need for Speed: The Run” has got to be one of the worst ideas for a game in a while. Well behind “Gotham City Imposters,” mind you, but still ridiculous. The E3 demo was a snooze, and there was nary a person in the line to play it. But even if the game was a masterpiece, “The Run” is a fool’s errand from a business perspective. It’s off-point from the rest of the brand and disorienting, and the details about it just make it more confusing. A recent IGN article promised that the “on-foot” sections would only be…
Author: Andrew Allen
Dear Reader, Bioware needs you to explain to them what the main character of their flagship franchise looks like. Sure, the shaven-head, growly-eyed visage of ManShep has been standard issue since the first concept art leaked for the original. But with the third and final installment upon us, someone at EA suddenly realized they had never put FemShep on a box. Ever. Oops. So now, with only a few months left before release, Bioware is scrambling on Facebook to try and figure out what on God’s green Earth Commander Ovaries should even look like. They would like you to vote…
Dear Reader, Microsoft’s Xbox Live Arcade is, I think we can all agree, the gold standard for console-bound internet marketplaces. Now, according to a new study by Forecast and Analyzing Digital Entertainment (FADE, LLC), the players are responding to the high level of quality. XBLA is setting a new record so far in 2011 with $66.2 million in revenue, up by over 40% from the same time last year. FADE also disclosed which titles are selling the most right now, and I must admit the winner surprised me more than a little. If you’d like to see this unusual choice…
Dear Reader, So you can start pre-ordering “Star Wars: The Old Republic” right…about…now. But I know, you’re looking to me to tell you if you should. My definitive answer is “perhaps.” I played the hell out of it at E3, and got a special backstage presentation from Bioware, but my mind still isn’t made up. On the one hand, the basic raiding myself, Eric, Break and Mecha experienced was certainly enjoyable. We went to a place with bad things. We killed them. Some numbers appeared above our heads next to a plus sign. On the other hand, TOR’s space combat has…
Dear Reader, It’s all well and good to sell those poor, starving Wii owners a retread of “Goldeneye;” that and “Conduit 2” is pretty much all they’ve got. But what’s this I hear now about someone having the chutzpah to bring “Goldeneye 007: Reloaded” to the Xbox 360 and PS3? Is that some kind of joke? Maybe you don’t know where you are, Activision. They eat first person shooters for breakfast here. I mean, you publish “Call of Duty,” shouldn’t you know this better than anyone? And don’t tell me about nostalgia. You idiots changed the game so damned…
Dear DICE, I’ve been hearing rumors. Troubling rumors. They say you’ve changed, baby. They say you’re considering releasing digitally through Gamestop’s clunky, over-stuffed, ridiculous website at the expense of Steam. Say this is not so. Tell me I’m hearing fictitious lies (as opposed to the truthful ones, I guess). I mean, release on Gamestop if you must, but exclusively? You’re gonna deny Steam “Battlefield 3”? You can’t do this! You know Gamestop is coming to ruin the world, right? You know they sell us your product at reduced price and give you absolutely nothing from the sale, right? People who want “Call…
Dear Reader, Hey man, how’s it going? You looking for a fix, man? I got what you need. I got that “Arkham City” Collector’s Edition JPEGs, man. I know what you need. You need to stare at this and pretend the game is already out. You need to pretend that life has any meaning whatsoever between now and mid-October 2011. And even though the actual contents of this Collector’s Edition are piss-poor—a token statue, a copy of the years-old “Gotham Knight” movie, a soundtrack no one would buy on its own, and some pretty pictures—looking at it all laid…
Dear Reader, First off, apologies for the shoddy visual quality of these posts. Our Wordpress image processing is a little weird at the moment. Should be fixed ASAP. Have you, by chance, wandered over to www.modernwarfare3.com? I know what you’re thinking: why would I want to watch Activision give itself a sensual back rub over its next cash cow in a long, proud line of cash cows? Think again. You see, much to their chagrin, Activision doesn’t own www.modernwarfare3.com. That domain space was seized by several geniuses who have built a page dedicated to lampooning the franchise. For a while,…
Dear Reader, I’m excited for “Gears of War 3” for many reasons, but the campaign is not one of them. There, I said it. The multiplayer is going to be the best in the series, I have no doubt, and the new Beast Mode addition to Horde is going to be great. But Epic has taken a fundamental wrong turn with their design of single player “Gears,” and they seem determined to keep walking that direction. The original “Gears of War” campaign was one of my favorite single player (or co op) experiences for the Xbox 360. The sequel…
Dear Reader, The title pretty much says it.
Dear Reader, This past week, Bungie said good-bye to “Halo” forever, and got to work on their new, maddeningly unannounced IP. As of right now, they are no longer at the wheel of their baby, not even in supporting “Reach.” So, the question is: what the balls could 343 Studios possibly be doing with “Halo 4”? I have a few choice words of advice that I hope they will take to heart. I think I speak for all the “Halo” fans out there when I give 343 a few stern warnings, and a couple helpful head’s ups. Hit the…
Dear Reader, I don’t know why, but one of my favorite past-times is looking at cover art, and reviewing it. There’s a real and delicate art involved in reflecting the true soul of a title with pictures. Nothing is more satisfying than a good game with a cover that nails the feel of the experience (“Borderlands”), nor is there anything more distressing than a good game with a bizarre cover that completely misses the point (“Mass Effect 2”). So with the “Deus Ex: Human Revolution” cover art revealed, let’s take a look at how they did (after the jump,…
Dear Reader, Criterion and EA have just announced the next entry in the “Burnout” franchise, an XBLA/PSN title called “Burnout: CRASH!” It’s a pretty far departure from the rest of the games, as this freshly released screenshot will attest. “CRASH!” is essentially Crash mode from the other “Burnout” titles, re-purposed into a “Chinatown Wars” milieu. It features an isometric perspective, Kinect support for one game mode, and Autolog functionality. It’ll be coming out Fall 2011.
Dear Reader, So, “Duke Nukem Forever” came and went, and the reaction was pretty harsh. And if you take a look at the reviews, I think it’s fairly obvious that the distaste was deeper than just broken gameplay: people didn’t like this game, on a personal level. Randy Pitchford and the folks at Gearbox are a talented bunch, and I don’t think anyone blames them for not being able to salvage this train wreck, but the fact remains that DNF will probably always be their least-loved game. But why the personal reaction? Why the intense, intimate dislike? I have…
Dear Reader, Remember those pesky wives of Electronic Arts employees who were rude enough to insist on seeing their husbands once in a while? Well, now a new website has launched relating to “L.A. Noire,” claiming that somewhere in the neighborhood of 100 people were unduly left out of the end credits. Allegations are also arising about unpaid overtime, harsh work environments, and ridiculous “crunch” periods. AAA titles are manufactured in sweat shops, is what we’re learning here. If you ask me, it’s all a bunch of belly-aching. If you want to live the rockstar lifestyle of a…
Dear Reader, The Daily Show With Jon Stewart Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c Moral Kombat www.thedailyshow.com Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook So, Jon Stewart over at “The Daily Show” decided to cover the Supreme Court’s recent pro-gamer ruling. Although at first, his tone seems friendly enough to our cause, I began to get the sense that he was quietly mocking us. And then, towards the end, he picked the worst fatality he could find in “Mortal Kombat” and showed it to everyone. And it was pretty bad. Even Ed…
Dear Reader, Sad news today. Black Rock Studios, the geniuses behind “Pure” and “Split/Second,” was closed by Disney. This is a crime of the highest order. Both titles were outstanding and innovative racers, neither received proper marketing support, and now of course they’re being put on the business end of a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m hearing rumors that, frankly, Disney mismanaged Black Rock, farming out work they could’ve been doing themselves and not utilizing their talents fully. Whether that’s true or not, this should not be a closed studio. There’s no excuse. Good night, sweet Black Rock. You may just…
Dear Reader, It has recently come out that “Battlefield 3” will only run at 30 fps on the consoles, and Glen Schofield from Sledgehammer Games has taken the opportunity to make a big deal of that. Proudly pronouncing that MW3 will run at 60 fps, Schofield seems to be under the impression that anyone in the world cares, ever. Allow me to politely rectify that position: absolutely no one does. Of course MW3 runs at 60, its engine is four years old and has the texture detail of a kindergartener’s sketch of his mommy. BF3 looks better hung…
Dear Reader, So if you’re playing “F.3.A.R.” right now…well, actually, you’re probably about to die, because you’re reading this instead of looking out for that Replica soldier moving in on your flank. Pause the game, for the love of God. Got it? Excellent. Okay, now as I was saying: I was right again. “F.3.A.R.” is awesome. I’ve been rooting for this one since E3 2010, and with it finally out now after several delays, it was worth the wait. I won’t bore you with a “review,” but there’s so much to love here. The innovative, four-player-only multiplayer works like…
Dear Reader, It is official: I’m not buying a Wii U. Before E3 I was sold, after the announcement I was hesitant, and now I’m full-on against it. Nintendo has missed the mark here, folks. This is not a case of mad, unpredictable genius, this is them giving us an explicit goal and failing outright to achieve it. “We want the hardcore gamers back,” they say. You won’t get them, and you won’t get me. After the jump, check out five reasons I’m not buying this stupid piece of junk.
Dear Reader, Somewhere in his busy days full of impregnating house maids, Arnold Schwarzenegger found the time to sign a California bill that would restrict the sale of violent video games to minors. While appearing reasonable on the surface, the problem with such legislation is that it implicitly suggests that games are not a form of artistic expression protected by the First Amendment. It also callously ignores the exhaustive ratings system the gaming industry employs, which other art forms either cannot match or do not even attempt. Thankfully, the Supreme Court has released a 7-2 ruling against Arnold…
Dear Reader, It just so happens that my local Gamestop in Burbank decided to host a little “F.3.A.R.” launch party, with special guest Steve Niles, the acclaimed comic writer who penned the “F.3.A.R.” script. And while we’re on the subject of happy coincidences, today just happens to be his birthday, so the event had that little extra tinge of merriment. Don’t believe us? Check the video:
Dear Reader, “Red Faction” either thinks you’re a moron, or it’s the clingy, needy girlfriend of the gaming world. Why are there two separate “Red Faction” games in existence in the span of a few months? May I remind the good people at Volition–actually, “good people” is a stretch when dealing with the architects of “Saint’s Row”–that “Armageddon” does, in fact, have multiplayer. Hit the jump as I continue to verbally lacerate this ridiculous display of crass consumer terrorism.
Dear Reader, Let me tell you what I hate about this trailer. It’s so damned good, it makes me enjoy a Marilyn Manson song. At least I think that’s Marilyn Manson, but I literally don’t have enough tolerance for that man’s music in my body to Google the lyrics. Anyway, “F.E.A.R. 3” is awesome, and Marilyn Manson still sucks.
It just keeps on coming, Dear Reader. Can you handle it? Part Two, which will be thematically united by genre. Hit the jump.
Well folks, it all comes down to this: the crew here at Padinga are weighing in with their favorite games from this year’s E3. For part one, we’re going to break it down by system. Part Two will go by genre, and finally we’ll conclude with overall. Hit the jump!
Dear Reader, Look, I’m not going to B.S. you here: I plan to ramble about “F.E.A.R. 3.” If you don’t want to keep reading I won’t hold it against you. But there’s just so much to talk about with these games, and now is the only time I have a valid excuse to do it. With F3 less than a week away, the time is ripe to sit down and consider where we’ve been so far, and where we’re going with these games. Hit the jump as I analyze the differences between “F.E.A.R.” and “F.E.A.R. 2,” and make some…
Dear Xbox Live, We have a problem. I don’t know if you know this, but your service has become a social strata, with its own rules and standards. When someone you actually care about (as opposed to the random friends we all have and ignore) messages you asking to Party up, or play a game, that comes with a level of social obligation to not just be a dick and ignore them. And if you get a whole bunch of messages back to back, or if you’re at a crucial juncture in “Baby Maker 2 Extreme” and can’t reply, you…
Dear Reader, It’s time for another episode in my storied “Talking To Games” series. If you don’t know the drill, it’s pretty much all there in the title: I talk to games. Directly at them, you might say, to see what they have to say for themselves. The results are often surprising. On this edition, I’ll be having a lively dialogue with “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3.” Hit the jump to get it going, Dear Reader. Let’s do this thing.
Dear Reader, So I just had the pleasure of checking out “Battlefield 3” multiplayer. It’s gorgeous, as you well know, but here’s something you might not know: co-op campaign. BF3 will have it. How many people, you ask? Good question. I think four. I dont have official confirmation on that, but when I pressed a DICE rep about it, he/she smiled politely and wouldn’t tell me I was wrong. It’s just a theory, folks, but I’m putting it out there. –AA