Dear Reader, Ubisoft has made no secret of the fact that they plan to release a new “Assassin’s Creed” game every year, and true to their word, “Revelations” will be out this week. As if that wasn’t enough, we’re also hearing that they’ve already got the 2012 iteration cooking in the oven. This is a mistake. “Assassin’s Creed” should not be coming out every year. Hit the jump and I’ll give you five reasons backing that assertion up.
Author: Andrew Allen
Dear Reader, “Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3” has maybe the best campaign in the MW series, and the multiplayer is swiss-watch-smooth, but hot damn did the graphics take a nose dive from the ugly tree and hit every branch coming down. How do you release this thing to a world that has seen “Uncharted 3,” and keep a straight face? You’re richer than Croesus, Activision, you can afford to do some bloody texture work. I love MW3 long time, but the next one better be prettier, or I’m not buying it. Stop right there, COD fanboys, I already know the…
Dear Reader, I’ve been to my share of midnight launches, and the “Modern Warfare 3” launch line was the longest I’ve seen, bar none. I couldn’t give you an exact headcount, but Gamestop employees estimated it was over 500 people. Don’t believe me? Well, I’ve got the video to prove it. Here’s the line when it was about 3/4 maximum length. Pretty insane, right? “Call of Duty” just keeps on slaughtering its own records, and I don’t see much chance that’s going to change tonight. _AA every day he doesn’t, people will die…starting tonight
Dear Reader, There have been a ton of threequels released in 2011, and there’s still plenty more coming, which begs the question: how have they been so far? Hit the jump and I’ll rate the current crop’s relative excellence, based on personal experience and the irrefutable rightness of my opinion. (UPDATED: Props to Q for reminding me about MvC3.) NOTE: This will not be a list of the seven best games of the year. It’s an assessment of which games function best as threequels. What does that mean? Three things: continuing what works, fixing what didn’t, and dodging ennui by…
Dear Reader, Ubisoft has announced a new “Rainbow Six” title for the 360/PS3/Windows, called “Rainbow Six: Patriots,” due for release in 2013. Contrary to what you may be thinking, “Patriots” will not feature Rainbow teaming up with Tom Brady on a covert mission to videotape New York Jets practices. Instead, the antagonists will be a conspicuously wink wink nudge nudge militarized version of the Tea Party called the “True Patriots.” Their feeling is, the American government has been “irrevocably corrupted by greedy politicians,” as well as gotcha questions. So they’re gonna start shooting people until special interests stop being such…
Dear Reader, SOE’s “DC Universe Online” is now free-to-play, so if you went out and actually purchased it…joke’s on you. I’m downloading it right now, for absolutely nothing. It’s just giving itself to me, and it’s actually being kind of slutty about it. I hope you used protection when you played this thing, Dear Reader. I’m almost embarrassed by how forward it’s being. I mean, sure, it’s playing a little hard to get, making me agree to some Terms and Conditions, but make no mistake, DCUO is absolutely DTG, if you get me/feel me/pick up what I’m puttin’ down. In…
Dear Reader, EA recently announced the sales figures for “Battlefield 3,” which (according to estimates) are topping out at 5 million in a week. Not too shabby, and more than enough to make it EA’s fastest-selling title. Nice job, guys. It looks like you accomplished your goal of challenging “Call of Duty” for the throne of multiplayer king. Hm? What’s that, you say Dear Reader? You say “Call of Duty: Black Ops” sold more than that in a single night? You say that “Black Ops” was not only Activision’s fast-selling title, but the biggest North American video game of all time?…
Dear Reader, (Note: The following pertains to the single-player. Multi is not up yet) I love “Uncharted 3: Drake’s Deception,” but contrary to what IGN is telling you, it doesn’t turn water into wine, cure cancer, or bring meaning to an otherwise cold and unfeeling universe. It’s a very good continuation of the “Uncharted 2” formula, but it’s by far the smallest step forward in the franchise. For the first time in the series, a mild sense of “boy, I’ve jumped to a lot of yellow ledges in my day” sets in. In no way is “Deception” a slouch; anything…
Dear Reader, “Battlefield 3” is out today, and if you’re not a PC gamer, you must be asking yourself the same question I am: should I even bother with this thing on consoles? Am I dropping sixty greenbacks for a watered-down experience? I mean, when you buy “Battlefield 3,” what are you hoping to get for your money? Top-notch, jaw-dropping graphics? Massive multiplayer battles? The console version, it could be argued, has neither. It’s a diminutive form of the true experience, and yet you’re going to pay the same (or more) for it that a PC gamer would. Is it worth…
Dear Reader, Warner Bros. has nabbed the rights to distribute the Xbox 360 port of “Witcher 2,” the highly successful PC RPG. No firm release date has been announced, but they’re saying Q1 2012. On behalf of the entire console gaming community, let me be the first to say: “yeah yeah great, now just release the damned thing already.” I don’t care if Kim Jong Ill fronts the publishing money, just get that green plastic case on the rack at Gamestop and daddy will purchase. In point of fact, though, Warner Bros. has been impressing me lately. Finding Rocksteady games…
Dear Reader, The “Battlefield 3” Beta was kind of a disappointment, and now I can’t help but wonder if the final product is going to deliver on my messianic expectations. The all-powerful graphics weren’t actually that great (on consoles), the gameplay seemed alarmingly unchanged from “Bad Company 2,” and for the love of God who do we have to screw to get a lobby up in this piece? More and more, DICE’s upcoming title is reminding me of “Turok 2: Seeds of Evil:” a good game swept into false greatness because it has a pretty face. It would make sense.…
Dear Reader, “Batman: Arkham City” is a huge success, but it’s not without some flaws. I’m going to talk about the positives first, just so we’re clear on how great this game is, but there’s no honest way to discuss it without also admitting its weaknesses. Some of those flaws are holdovers from “Asylum,” others are new beasts born of Rocksteady’s ambitious expansions to the BAA formula. Okay, good things. First and foremost, Rocksteady again excels at making you feel like Batman. FreeFlow Combat continues to be one of the great success stories of modern gaming. In BAA it was great, but…
Dear Reader, It was recently announced that “Halo: Anniversary” will feature voice-controlled reloading, grenade tossing, and engine-swapping (between the classic engine and the newer one), all through our wayward friend the Kinect. Not so great, if you ask me. The idea of Master Chief shouting at his pistol to reload itself is just ridiculous. Games have a responsibility to design input mechanisms that don’t directly conflict with the actions they’re triggering, and most Kinect titles acknowledge this by focusing on leaning, pushing objects, or telling people to do things. Commanding inanimate objects is just bizarre, it disconnects the game from…
Dear Reader, I didn’t care for “Dragon Age 2” myself, but in case you did, and in case you also like Felicia Day, here’s the result of those two things slammed together in a particle accelerator: “Dragon Age 2: Mark of the Assassin,” a new DLC for Bioware’s fantasy RPG that’ll be available sometime this coming…now. You can get it today. Despite my ambivalence towards DA2, this trailer is pretty bangin’. It’s got an elfin assassin, played by Ms. Day, leaping around and doing all those things which elfin assassins are wont to do. From what I can tell, this…
Dear Reader, Racing games have been broken for decades, and “Forza Motorsport” is here to fix them; not necessarily “Forza 4” in particular, but the franchise in general, and specifically the last two. In these amazing games, a race can be rewound from almost anywhere, allowing you to redo mistakes and fine-tune your performance. I was aware of this mechanic’s existence in “Forza 3,” but since I barely played that title, I was unable to experience how drastic a revolution it incites. This is a game-changing piece of design, not unlike regenerating health in first person shooters. At first you…
Dear Reader, I want a new “Unreal Tournament” sequel. Are you there, Cliffy B? It’s me, Andrew. Take a break from doing keg-stands and fist-bumping your “bros” and give to daddy. “Gears of War” is done now, or at least you’re probably done with it. And you had your fling with “Bulletstorm,” which allowed you to get whatever latent psychopathic tendencies you had in you out of your system. There’s nothing left to do but another UT. No. Don’t come up with a new IP. I don’t want to have to start liking some new franchise. I’ll make this easy…
Dear Reader, Here’s a new trailer for “Starhawk,” an upcoming PS3 exclusive FPS. Is there room in this world for another first person shooter? I honestly don’t know, but if there is, I think “Starhawk” might deserve a seat at the table. I played it at E3 and found it to be an enjoyable mishmash of RPG/tower defense/first person shooter. And seeing as tower-defense-infused gunplay is as trendy as Justin Bieber right now, the folks at Sony picked a good time to get this thing going.
Dear Reader, You absolutely, positively, must be kidding me. This has to be a joke. Why can’t I quit “Battlefield 3” at the end of a game, like a civilized human being? Why do I have to wait until the next round is completely loaded, spawn my character, and then quit? Who do I have to thank/shoot in the face for this brilliant design choice? What the hell, DICE? This was a problem in “Bad Company 2” as well, one which I assumed was just…honestly, I don’t know what I thought. It was a quirk, and I was so fond of…
Dear Reader, I…I just…what’s wrong with you people? You’re just lining up for punishment, and I don’t understand it. “Dark Souls” is coming, and it’s promising to slap you around like it doesn’t respect you, and you couldn’t be more excited. To me, a game telling me at the outset “I’m maddeningly difficult, to the point that you will scream and beg for mercy” is a little like a woman who wants to sleep with me advising beforehand that she has gonorrhea. It’s the kind of thing you normally find out after it’s too late, but if you knew ahead…
Dear Reader, Mayhaps you heard that LionsGate has optioned “Dead Island” for a feature film. Did you hear that, Dear Reader? If so, you heard lies. I have scanned the press release carefully, and here’s what it actually says: “LIONSGATE® (NYSE: LGF), a leading global entertainment company, today announced that it has optioned film rights from Deep Silver to develop a feature inspired by Dead Island, which became a viral media sensation when its haunting, artful trailer launched in February 2011.” Anyone else notice that the game itself, a flawed but admirably innovative open world zombie shooter, is the red-headed stepchild of this press release?…
Dear Reader, Throughout history, mankind has called on those of a noble mind and fortified spirit to lay themselves on the altar of righteousness. It is through triumph against remarkable adversity that heroes and legends are born, people whose deeds will echo through the ages as a testament to the ethical principles that mankind strives for. You know many of them: Gandhi, Mother Theresa, Bonhoeffer, Albert Schweitzer. Well, you can add another name to that list: Andrew Ranson Allen. This guy, right here. So what have I done to deserve sainthood, you ask? It’s simple: through sheer power of will,…
Dear Reader, Don’t ever say I never did anything nice for you, because here comes some of the sexiest trailer action known to mankind. I’m getting a little hot and bothered just typing the embed code into the HTML. I think we’ve all been curious how the Joker is going to figure into “Arkham City,” and now we have a slightly clearer picture. Let’s hope they make this one for the ages, because Mark Hamill is again insisting it’s his last spin as the Clown Prince of Crime.
Dear Reader, “Inversion” is a 3rd person action game from Saber Interactive, the guys who did the completely adequate and occasionally good “Timeshift.” It’s basically “Gears of War,” except you can screw with gravity. I played this one at E3 and thought it was okay, but I’m waiting to be really impressed. It might be good, or it could go the way of “Fracture,” LucasArts’ ill-fated attempt to capitalize on the gaming community’s fascination with geology. These gimmick games, where you’re suddenly master of a certain element, are tricky to make really outstanding. But I did think “Timeshift” was better…
Dear Reader, “Dead Island, “to me, has always been a sub-par game hiding behind an amazing ad campaign. But since “Resistance 3” and “Deus Ex” did such a good job swaying me from indifference, I’ve been in a generous mood, so I decided to pick up Techland’s zombie shooter and try it out. The verdict? It’s nowhere near the kind of success story that “Human Revolution” is, but for the third time in the last few months, I’m willing to admit I judged too quickly. “Dead Island” is a fun game. This really is “Fallout 3” with zombies, and I…
Dear Reader, So the last chapter of “Gears of War” is finally out, and I’m sure you’ve been playing it vigorously, just as we have. Eric and I have already made short work of the campaign, but I’ll leave that for him to discuss later in the week. Suffice to say: its the most technically polished campaign they’ve ever done, but it still can’t touch the claustrophobic intensity and ingenious pacing of the original. And having just wrapped up the exquisite “Resistance 3,” I’m all the more aware of that reality. In my opinion, of course, “Gears” fundamentally missteps when…
Dear Reader, As you no doubt heard, Netflix is bifurcating its services into a streaming division (which will continue to be known as Netflix), and the DVD-by-mail operation, which will now be called Qwikster. More interestingly for us gamers, Qwikster will now offer game rentals, a service Netflix customers have been chomping at the bit for for some time. This is not good news, though, and I can prove it in two ways. Hit the jump, and I’ll learn you so hard.
Dear Reader, The flow of information on “Max Payne 3” just keeps coming. Now we have our first trailer, courtesy of the good folks at Rockstar. I think it looks pretty good, although it’s pretty much what I was expecting after the images they’ve been releasing. What say you?
Dear Reader, Yes, it’s that time again. Time for me to sit down and have a nice, amiable chat with a video game. I often feel the need to talk with games that aren’t yet released, and never is that more true than with “Borderlands 2,” the recently-confirmed sequel to Gearbox’s hit RPG/shooter. For those of you who don’t know, this segment is exactly what it sounds like: I talk to games. And they talk back, that’s the crazy part. I’m like The Game Whisperer. Hit the jump, fool.
Dear Reader, For you “Crysis” fans out there, and I admit I’ve recently joined your ranks, there’s somewhat exciting news: Crytek’s original litmus test for your PC hardware is making its way to DLC this October. That’s the good news. The bad news is, it kind of sounds like they’re going to have to nerf the game to squeeze it onto the console digital space. The press release says this downloadable version of the campaign will be “modified” and “enhanced,” and it’s worth noting that it doesn’t just say “enhanced.” It then goes on to claim that there’s going to be…
Dear Reader, Well…damn it. I just keep being wrong, don’t I? First I hastily dismissed “Deus Ex: Human Revolution” at E3 this year, and then it came back around and backhanded me in front of everyone. Now another title I callously waved away, “Resistance 3,” is proving to be one of the best shooters of the year, and easily the best on the PS3. Seriously, I’ve been up until 6 am every morning playing this thing. I’m going to make an infuriating claim here: “Resistance 3” is the successor to “Half Life 2,” and not far from its equal in…