Five Classic Games That Should Be On XBLA

Dear Reader,

With the DLC market continuing to expand, one of the most delicious new developments has been the re-engineering of classic titles like “Duke Nukem” and “Perfect Dark” for the consoles, at bargain prices. Everyone wins. And yet, I admit a certain frustration that some of my most beloved classic titles have still failed to make themselves available to me for $15 with the click of the A button. Or the X button, you Sony nerds.

Hit the jump to see five games I demand on the console digital marketplace.

5. X Wing Vs. Tie Fighter. Please. God. I’m a simple man, and I just want to blow some X-Wings to kingdom co–I mean…Tie Fighters! I want to blow up Tie Fighters! Right. Empire bad, Rebellion good. Ahem. What are you looking at me like that for, Dear Reader? So what if I appreciate the contours and design of a nice Tie Fighter every now and then? What’s wrong with a little Tie? Just because they happen to be built by the Empire, should my incredible skills with a Tie Bomber (seriously, you should see it) go to waste? Who’s the real monster in that scenario, huh? I say it’s you.

4. Thief: The Dark Project/Thief 2. Bundle ’em up and charge me $15 bucks, I’ll buy it. I’ll buy it so hard. Garrett’s misadventures are, for my money, still the greatest stealth games ever made. Seriously, Sam Fischer, go screw yourself up a tree.

3. Star Trek: Voyager-Elite Force. Right? How great was that game? Who knew a “Voyager” title was gonna be the one to beat? I almost put “Dark Forces” on this list, which is a “Star Wars” game, but I replaced it with a “Voyager” tie-in title. That should say something. Set phasers to frag, baby.

2. Unreal Tournament. For the love of God, where is my UT classic port? Doing “Quake III: Arena” was like salt in the wound. I want want want “Facing Worlds” on my Xbox 360. The classic one. Give to daddy. You can bundle it with “Jazz Jackrabbit” and charge a $100 for all I care, just give it to me. Actually, please don’t charge $100. That’s not okay.

1. System Shock 2. If you’ve played it, you know that nothing needs to be said. If you haven’t, I hope you get run over by a truck.

–AA

a ruler must learn to persuade and not compel